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爱情新解(11)Exit strategy

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛In a business plan, it is very important to have an exit strategy. It shows the way out should that option become necessary. But during the Internet craze, IPOs were the common exit strategy. There was no illusion amongst top executives and initial investors that the game was “get rich quick and exit stage right.”

Does that say it all? !

Fortunately or unfortunately the concept of exit strategies has entered another domain: love, relationships and marriage.

I don’t know how people define these things any more. But I do see more and more people start to set up different kinds of exit strategies. Sex or convenience based relationships, prenuptial agreements or common-law spouses etc are all mechanisms that address the issue of what will happen when things go wrong.

Just out of curiosity, I was searching the Internet for prenuptial agreements. It used to have a limited applicability among wealthy people, who have much more to lose when a marriage goes wrong. But now even the average person needs a prenuptial. The argument is that both blue-collar and white-collar middle class individuals are more vulnerable and need protection when a relationship ends. For sure, it destroys all the romantic elements of a relationship. Before saying “I vow to love you through sickness and health, through the good and the bad, through richer and poorer. You are everything I need, and at this moment I know that all my prayers have been answered and that all of my dreams have come true. This is the moment I have waited my whole life for. I promise to give you my all and I know that I could not ask for more from you. I love you and always will. This is my solemn vow”, you’re discussing with your attorney the details of separating and dividing tangible assets. No matter how I try, I just don’t know what to make of this.

Having said that, the reality today is one out of two marriages end in divorce. In the business world, a failure rate this high ensures that an exit strategy would be in place. Anyone foolish enough to overlook this statistic has to be ready to accept the consequences of their inaction. Now 50% of Americans co-habitate. The same is true for Canadians, more of whom have formed a common-law relationship instead of marital one.

But I still cannot help but ask this question, “do we still have faith in love and marriage?” Here I define marriage as the willingness of committing oneself to live a life with another person, regardless if the vows are taken in front of God, the state or just each other. Is it contradictory to have a touching and sincere vow and a negotiated prenuptial agreement? For some people, there are no vows at all. Is it time for us to redefine everything?

I have absolutely no idea. What has gone wrong or is nothing wrong? Maybe my thinking has become obsolete. Or do material considerations outweigh faith and trust?

As a rebel, outcast and traditionalist, I’m determined to keep my faith.

Thanks for reading.

January 7, 2004 Hawaii更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下佳缘 / 情爱悠悠 / 爱情新解(11)Exit strategy
    • Love=Faith+Believe, Business=Faith+Trust, This is what I thought.
      • That is an interesting summary...:-)
        • girl (boy) friends, sex, love are pure enjoymeny for both, also have no any responsibility (especially in finance): marriage, child, family could be an enjoyment, also
          could be a surfering, moreover both of them, mostly the mem, have financial responsibility .Same as business, after breaking up, they have to treat the marriage as a business.
      • faith=believe+trust,;love=enjoying business.
      • love=best friend +sex; marriage=love(could be) + responsibility; devoice=business
    • 作为人类本身,一个完美的世界其实是一个包含"缺陷"的世界.宇宙中没有所谓的真理才是所谓的真理, 爱是没有永远不变的, 永远不变的是相信爱的完美.人没有能力事先预知将来, 但人有能力在它来临时作出"对"或"不对"的选择.so?
      无论世道如何,人因此可以坚信可以把握自己的命运(爱情),或更进一步,创造自己的命运(爱情).不过人同时也应明白,"得到"是要先有"付出".甚至付出不一定有得到.因此命运(爱情)是不能躺在树下叹来的, 是自己找来的. 即使是两人世界的爱情,也要经常去探索,去试新的成分. 理想是可以在一定程度上左右现实.

      也许理想的人是可以断然放弃现实去追求理想,也可以断然放弃理想去追求现实.或者在现实中短暂的飞去理想中生活一会, 可喜的是,这里的生活提供了很好的可能性.

      material considerations outweigh faith and trust? 是的,但是程度是由人来控制,有可能控制到程度接近于零.

      乱打一气,不知是否碰到目标. :D
      • 如果完全对应主题,可能就没太大意思了,我喜欢你的发挥:)
        总有一些信息需要琢磨消化,很有意思。 I like this kind of inspiration. :-)

        你的文字,我的理解;你的经历,我去延伸并且结合我自己的体会取舍然后应用。。。肯定是碰到了目标,但是是否你预计的目标,可就不一定:)

        “也许理想的人是可以断然放弃现实去追求理想,也可以断然放弃理想去追求现实.或者在现实中短暂的飞去理想中生活一会, 可喜的是,这里的生活提供了很好的可能性. “
        这段话耐人琢磨。欢迎继续关注。:)
      • 有深度….有缺陷的世界才是完美的世界. 世界的确是个矛盾的共同体. 对爱的理解, 个人认为, 爱是个过程, 而不是结论
      • 世界是完美的, 只不过, 我们认识有缺陷, 相反, 我们主观认为我们认识是完美, 把完美世界看为有缺陷.
        • 也很有哲理!:)it is all about perception. Yes, I think the world is perfect.
          • love is the most beautiful enjoyment in the world, there is also non-love in this world. unfortunately, many many and many of us have to mix them together.
            their result is : love=non-love=sadness. how terrible!!!!
    • 读起来,一种久违的感觉。希望Rolia上多一些这样有深度的文章。
    • 发掘深度还不够。应该先讲讲你自己的Exit strategy 及其不为人知的良苦用心。。。 :-P
      • My exit strategy? haha...simple...keep the faith:-)
    • 亲爱的,如果把你的这个系列文章列入self-improvment, 估计可以勉强推荐给丈夫们(或者男同胞们)翻一翻。。。如果归入Relationship Talk一类,估计会没戏。当然这个文章标题已经决定了一半了。
      • Besides, 理论指导实践,还是实践指导理论,这是个问题。
      • 哈哈,转发时把前面的标题去掉。理论和实践的关系,咱们中学不是已经学得很透彻了吗?:)
        • 啊啊,姐姐笑话我书没读好?......555555555. :-((
          • 没,没。就是想起了中学学,大学也学,还被老师弄个不及格:)
    • 鼓掌!